Getting Your Partner to Agree to Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is most often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples look into counseling early on when the first problems start to appear. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Quite often, addressing small problems early on with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling may even prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to look for help, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago were less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Let them know that you want the counseling for yourself and that really want them for your support.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of needing counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  By facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe is even doomed, calmly explain that simply isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything isn’t perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.