Apr 28

How To Get Back My Ex When I Am Devastated

Image for Frustrating Books on RelationshipsA breakup is a devastating event which can leave you emotionally wounded. You know that things can be made to work and you are now trying to figure out “how to get back my ex?” Breakups are not irreparable events which are the absolute end of things. There are things that you can learn and use to try and get your ex back, but it will take work and time. Here are five such things to know about.

First, you have to let go of all of the pain and move on. This is a difficult step, but you should instead try and think about the fact that letting go will bring them closer to you. This is not to say that you should shut everything out. You need to experience these feelings in order to move on, but you cannot spend too much time on them, otherwise you will hinder your own progress. Tell yourself that moving on is how to get my ex back and it will be easier to do so.

Once you have left the feelings behind you, you should figure out why it happened. What you should be thinking is that how to get back my ex involves knowing why we broke up. If there is a problem behind the breakup, then knowing of it will lead to fixing it. Once that happens, you can get them one step closer to being back with you.

An important step in the healing process is to extend each other a break. Separation is required in order to get back to a point where the two of you can move on and do what is needed to set things right. Those who spend time with no contact among each other are most likely to get past the breakup and get back together.

You should also spend the time to call upon the support of those around you. Ask others what they think in terms of “how to get back my ex?” This can include your parents, siblings, friends and more. Not only can these individuals provide support for you as you experience the emotional turmoil of a break up, but they can also act as your calm head, your sensibility, and they can mediate things between you and your ex.

Once you each have your support networks, you should come back together. A meet up is the final step in the process of getting back together. You should proceed slowly, first by emails and text messages. Keep your tone friendly, for any sign of moving forward too quickly can be detrimental. Enter into the meet up with a game plan, so that you do not get hurt. Prepare to suck it in and apologize for yourself, and not expect the same. The point is to rekindle the romance, and this is the step where you will see if it is possible to know “how to get back my ex.” Following these steps will make for the best chance, but be prepared to accept staying separated.

Apr 12

4 Steps To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

If your girlfriend broke up with you and you want to get her back, keep reading. Guess what? 9 times out of 10, if this happened it’s because you did something wrong. It can be a little tough for men to maintain relationships with women, but it is still quite possible with the right know how. You just need to figure out what happened to make you go off track so that you can get your ex girlfriend back.

Okay, so where did you go off track? Why did your ex girlfriend break up with you? When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, there are things that you really need to consider just like these. Some girls will tell you all of your faults in great detail while others won’t. When you are trying to figure out what you did wrong, don’t be afraid to ask her. This is a big step to learning how to get your ex girlfriend back because it will tell you what she thinks you need to do to make the necessary changes.

If she’s not telling you what you did wrong and you still want to get your ex girlfriend back, consider the following things:

1 – You may need to pay more attention to her if you want to get her back. Women don’t like it when you’re not paying enough attention to them. This really isn’t an unreasonable request on their part. It’s vital to every relationship that you give enough attention to your loved ones. You’ll score points with her by showing her that you can give her the attention she needs.

2 – Women have a different idea about emotional support than men. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to figure out what she’s looking for in terms of emotional support. She needs more than simply verbal affirmations, so buy her something nice to show her that you care about her. This is a great way to get the ball rolling when you want to get your ex girlfriend back.

3 – This shouldn’t require repeating, but apparently it’s necessary: Don’t cheat on her! Even if she’s cheated on you, or she’s been cheated on before, cheating on her will not help you get your ex girlfriend back. If you like sleeping with different women, you don’t deserve to get your ex girlfriend back, so don’t even bother.

4 – If you want to get your ex girlfriend back and you still live with her, show her you can help her keep the place nice. Pitch in with the housework and participate as much as you can to show her that you know how to be responsible and that you know how to show your love for her. Now I’m not saying that you need to become a maid or anything, but if you just clean up after yourself, you’ll be amazed by the change in her attitude.

When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, know that the process is not difficult. It may require some basic life changes, however, because you need to be mature and responsible, and you need to know how to show your love for her. Be loving, caring, responsible and respectful, and you may just get her back after all.

Girls, do you agree?  Guys, care to share your experiences?

Mar 27

My Boyfriend Broke Up with Me. Is It Possible to Get Him Back?

Brogan gives advice about divorceDid your boyfriend break up with you? I know this is a rough time in your life. You are probably hurting and want to know what caused your boyfriend break up with you.

First of all, while you can use this time to look at yourself and where you are in your life, don’t do too much introspection. The truth behind why your boyfriend break up with you is that he had his own issues. You know what they say, “it’s not you… it’s me.”

If you’re going to work at trying to get your ex back, you are going want to keep a few things in mind.

  • Don’t pester your ex – when your boyfriend breaks up with you, it means that you have less access to him. So don’t text him multiple times a day or call him a lot.
  • It’s okay to flirt with other guys in his presence. It may even make him want you back more.
  • When you do get back together for a “trial date” be cheerful and friendly but don’t pressure him for more than he can handle.

However, if you have a feeling in your gut that the relationship is over when your boyfriend breaks up with you, then you need to seriously consider moving on.

One of the first things you can do after your boyfriend breaks up is to sit down and write a long letter to him pouring out your heart. You can talk about the good times and bad. You can tell him what a jerk he is and call him all sorts of names. But, don’t mail the letter! Instead, take a candle out and burn it. This is one of the best ways to get closure after a boyfriend break up.

The next thing you need to do is do a property exchange. Give him back the t-shirt that you love to sleep in. Get the econ textbook you lent him. If there are things like toothbrushes that are too trivial to exchange, throw them away. Don’t have anything around that reminds you of him. If you have gifts that he gave you, box them up for the time being. If you have any money issues to resolve like debts to the other or a joint checking account, get them sorted out.

After you have completed the property exchange, agree that you won’t have any communication for 30 days. This may be hard if you are used to seeing each other on a daily basis, but after a boyfriend break up it is necessary to give yourself some space and distance.

It hurts a lot when a boyfriend breaks up with you. But it isn’t the end of your life. You can even look at it as an opportunity to get a fresh start and who knows, maybe even meet your true soul mate.

Of course, you shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that just because you’ve gone through a boyfriend break up that all of the doors are firmly shut. If you think you have a shot of winning him back and that’s something you want, you should by all means stay the course and not give up.

True love really can survive even a boyfriend break up. If you have had experience at winning your boyfriend back, please feel free to share by leaving a comment.

Mar 13

How To Get Over Someone Fast When Neccessary

When a relationship ends, especially if you’re not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important.  It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though.  If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months.  But if you’ve been with someone for 3 years, it’s hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly.  Fortunately, there are some things you can do to speed up the process.

When you’re wondering how to get over someone, sit in a chair in your living room or bedroom, wherever there’s a very strong sense of the other person.  Remove anything that reminds you of that person a great deal.  This isn’t always easy to do, but every little bit helps.  If you’ve bought a dog together, for instance, of course you won’t want to get rid of the dog.  But anything your ex bought for you that’s on display like a knick-knack or something hanging on the wall would be a good thing to remove for a while.

If you have lots of things that will remind you of your ex, you’re probably wondering how to get over someone without making your rooms completely bare. But even if you picked out practically everything together, you don’t have to remove everything to make this work. Just choose items that have particularly strong memories.

Maybe you picked out the couch together, but it’s one of the throw pillows that you bought or the figurine on the end table he or she gave you as a gift that seems to make you feel sad when you look at it.  Remove those items and store them for a while, just to make things easier on you.

If you’re having a really hard time and feel that you need something more to help, try focusing on the traits or qualities you would like to see in your ideal partner. Be positive and imagine what it will be like when you find someone that treats you better like you deserve to be treated. Being aware of what you don’t like or want in a relationship will help you to focus on and think about what it is you do want.

Another useful method of how to get over someone is to simply start dating again.  Many people balk at this idea—they think they still love the ex and aren’t ready.  You can do this even if you’re still in love with your ex. No one says you have to fall in love anytime soon.  But dating or even going out with friends isn’t just how to get over someone, it’s how to keep from feeling sorry for yourself while you try.

If you have had any experience in getting over a relationship and would like to share, please leave a comment.

Mar 01

Can My Ex and I Get Back Together?

You have to decide if you and your ex get back together will it truly make you happy? Are you sure you won’t wind up down the same road that caused the breakup in the first place? If you truly want to get back together with your ex, you have to do a bit of soul searching. You must be totally honest with yourself. It’s always easy after a breakup to only think of the good times.  It’s important that you try to be completely objective and think of both the good and bad times.

In reality, there are a few relationships that are unworthy of saving. If you and your ex spent more time fighting than you did doing something good and fun, then perhaps you should consider moving on. If they were physically or verbally abusive, it probably wasn’t a healthy relationship.  If they were mentally unstable, you probably are better off without them.  If the relationship overall was a good one, and they weren’t abusive, and they were of sound mind, the following should help you and your ex get back together.

Be careful not to pester and push your ex.  If you’re constantly trying to get in touch with your ex; whether its by phone, email, text message, or even stalking them, you’re going to do more harm than good.  They will see this as a sign of desperation.  This could actually push them further away than bring them closer to you. Think about it, have you ever had someone do this to you and how did it make you feel?

Another thing to keep in mind is not to argue, beg, or plead with your ex about your past relationship. It’s easy when you and your mind are all alone.  Your mind manifests all sorts of “wrongs” that you may have done.  Even when your ex broke up with you they may have gave you reasons why.  Now, you’re probably beating yourself up over them.  You probably wish you had never done those things.  The past is the past.  This is the present and it’s the only place you can make a difference.

If you get it in your mind that the relationship is currently over.  You can’t go back in time, though you probably wish you could.  Focus on what is going on now.  The only thing worse than obsessively contacting your ex is to beg and plead with them, or make promises of how you’ll change, etc… This won’t help you and your ex get back together at all.

However, if you back off, give them some time, and live your life, you’ll be doing yourself a big favor in more ways than one.  You’ll probably become more desirable to your ex, because you’re allowing them to think about you and miss you and remember what attracted them to you in the first place.  You’ll also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life too.

I’d love to hear of experiences you have had in this area. Please feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts or questions.

Feb 24

How To Stop My Divorce

Brogan gives advice about divorceFirst, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder “how can I stop my divorce?”, you should realize that you’re in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationship.  You’ll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology.  Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it.  Explain that you don’t really want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.

This might seem a difficult step, but it’s necessary.  Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too.  When you want to know, “How to stop my divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong.  Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

If your spouse was the one that decided on divorce and you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you.  You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don’t want a divorce.  Chances are that you’ve done this, more than once.  But the way you say it can make a difference.

It’s important for you to be very mature and calm about it.  That’s not always easy to do.  Divorce is an emotional and painful thing.  But it’s one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics.  If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to learn ‘how to stop my divorce’ you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.

You also have to be willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back to the way it was, but must change for the better.  Suggest marital counseling.  Explain, “I want to stop our divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

Feb 22

Stop Divorce and Save Your Relationship

image for magic of making upIf you want to stop divorce, your mission is to convince the person that wants to divorce you to give the relationship another try.  This isn’t always possible, but it’s absolutely necessary for you to have a chance of stopping a divorce.  A divorce can be stopped at virtually any stage—before it’s filed or just before it needs the final paperwork.  The earlier you stop a divorce, the more likely it is that the divorce won’t be restarted, at least not right away.

So to stop a divorce, you must convince the person to give the relationship another chance. If you have been begging the other person to give you another try or pleading for them to get back together with you, stop now. This might seem counterproductive, as if now that the person has less resistance it will make it easier for them to divorce you. But your pleading probably wasn’t doing anything but convincing them that divorce is a good idea anyway. Who wants to be around someone who is behaving that way?

If you can start acting more mature and behave in a more pleasant manner, it might surprise the other person and help stop the divorce.  Explain in a calm way that you really don’t want the divorce and you want another chance.  The person already knows this so you screaming or carrying on won’t help your chances.  Just make it clear that you’re hurt and very sad and you really want another chance.  You might be surprised how the other person reacts when you change your behavior.

You can also show a mature side of yourself that the other person might not have seen over the last several weeks and suggest marital or couples counseling to stop divorce. Counseling has worked for millions of couples and your relationship could benefit from it too. If you can get the other person to agree to couples counseling, then you have precious time to convince them to give you and the relationship another chance before they file for or attempt to finalize the divorce.

During counseling you’ll have the opportunity to show the person why they fell in love with you.  You can remind them why you’re together in the first place.  And if you can show honest effort in wanting to deal with the problems that come up during the counseling—and many probably will—that might be enough to convince the other person not only to stop the divorce temporarily, but permanently.

When you succeed and stop divorce, you must remember that the person was about to divorce you and it would be easy enough for them to change his or her mind and file for divorce later.  Having already thought about divorce and maybe even having gone far enough as to file for divorce at one time makes the decision to file again easier.  So be aware of the state of your relationship, and perhaps continue counseling.  It’s easier to stop divorce temporarily than to have a good relationship for the long term.

T Dub Jackson has an excellent package that has helped countless couples save their relationship. It would at least be worth checking out. You can find it here: JoysOfMakingUp.com/magic

Feb 18

How To Win Back Lost Love

If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love.  Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one category or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different.  You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything.  Think about how things were and how they will be now.  Try to be as unbiased as you can.  You might decide that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.

If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize.  You might think you’ve done this.  You might have said you were sorry several times.  But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.

If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again.  Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it.  (And hopefully, you do.)

When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them.  You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive.  Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it.  If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it.  And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.

If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up.  If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything.  Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.

But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past.  While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.

Also, to win back lost love, show the person the “you” they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped.  They were with you because you have certain qualities like kindness and thoughtfulness, not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt.  While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best “you” you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.

Feb 16

Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

Brogan on TrustRelationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even sometimes prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to ask your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of needing counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  By facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe is even doomed, calmly explain that simply isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything isn’t perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

Feb 15

Healing the Hurt Through Poetry

Brogan on PoetryIf you’ve ever been through a sad break-up with someone you love, you may have written a heartbroken poem.  You may have even written such a poem for things like the loss of a pet or a family member, sadness at moving away from your friends, or any number of sad life events.  But it seems nothing inspires such sad poetry as a break-up or divorce.  Just as few things inspire love poetry quite like being in a happy, loving relationship.

Poetry is an excellent medium for self-expression. Unless you’re writing poetry with the hope of having it published one day, you can write poetry however you like.  It doesn’t have to be good poetry.  You don’t have to understand any of the poetic terms or conventions like rhyme, meter or free verse.  You don’t even have to have ever read a really good poem in your life to write a heartbroken poem that can help you feel better and maybe help you heal from the pain of a break-up.

An important early step in getting over a break-up or any sad situation is simply facing the pain.  While it might feel better to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation, you can’t really move past it without facing it and feeling the pain, at least for a while and that is the secret that works like magic. So facing up to whatever painful situation is happening is a necessary process.  A heartbroken poem can help you deal with those painful feelings when you’ve split with someone you love.

Don’t worry about whether it’s good or not.  No one else ever has to read your heartbroken poem.  It’s for you and you alone.  Just write down your feelings, as hard as that may be.  You can write in plain language.  Don’t try to imitate the poets of the 17th and 18th century.  Write the way you talk, and break the lines where it feels natural to you.  I recommend that you start by writing one huge paragraph filled with all your feelings and everything you want to express, just to get it all out.  Then you can go back and arrange your thoughts and feelings into a poem.

Once you’ve written a heartbroken poem, you might want to write more about different parts of the pain.  That’s good.  Get down everything you can, and that will help you to face the pain. Writing the poetry will probably be a very emotional time for you.  Don’t try to stop it.  Just let the pain out and you’ll be better able to move on.

If you should decide you want to share your heartbroken poem, you can share it with family or friends.  Or if you want to share it but not with anyone you know, you can put it online.  There are websites designed just for such things.  You can upload your poetry for free and let other people know if you want to receive criticism or not.  You might opt to not receive comments on your heartbroken poem and just enjoy the fact that you’ve shared your experience.

The bottom line is to get through the pain of a breakup by facing it head on. The satisfaction of creating your poem will go a long way towards healing the hurt.

Heartbroken Poem Therapy

If you’ve ever been through a sad break-up with someone you love, you may have written a

heartbroken poem.  You may have even written such a poem for things like the loss of a pet

or a family member, sadness at moving away from your friends, or any number of sad life

events.  But it seems nothing inspires such sad poetry as a break-up or divorce.  Just as

few things inspire love poetry quite like being in a happy, loving relationship.

Poetry is an excellent medium for self-expression. Unless you’re writing poetry with the

hope of having it published one day, you can write poetry however you like.  It doesn’t

have to be good poetry.  You don’t have to understand any of the poetic terms or

conventions like rhyme, meter or free verse.  You don’t even have to have ever read a

really good poem in your life to write a heartbroken poem that can help you feel better

and maybe help you heal from the pain of a break-up.

An important early step in getting over a break-up or any sad situation is simply facing

the pain.  While it might feel better to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation,

you can’t really move past it without facing it and feeling the pain, at least for a while

and that is the secret that works like magic. So facing up to whatever painful situation

is happening is a necessary process.  A heartbroken poem can help you deal with those

painful feelings when you’ve split with someone you love.

Don’t worry about whether it’s good or not.  No one else ever has to read your heartbroken

poem.  It’s for you and you alone.  Just write down your feelings, as hard as that may be.

You can write in plain language.  Don’t try to imitate the poets of the 17th and 18th

century.  Write the way you talk, and break the lines where it feels natural to you.  I

recommend that you start by writing one huge paragraph filled with all your feelings and

everything you want to express, just to get it all out.  Then you can go back and arrange

your thoughts and feelings into a poem.

Once you’ve written a heartbroken poem, you might want to write more about different parts

of the pain.  That’s good.  Get down everything you can, and that will help you to face

the pain. Writing the poetry will probably be a very emotional time for you.  Don’t try to

stop it.  Just let the pain out and you’ll be better able to move on.

If you should decide you want to share your heartbroken poem, you can share it with family

or friends.  Or if you want to share it but not with anyone you know, you can put it

online.  There are websites designed just for such things.  You can upload your poetry for

free and let other people know if you want to receive criticism or not.  You might opt to

not receive comments on your heartbroken poem and just enjoy the fact that you’ve shared

your experience.

The bottom line is to get through the pain of a breakup by facing it head on. The

satisfaction of creating your poem will go a long way towards healing the hurt.

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